Okcupid Advice

At first, you came off as a bitch when I was reading your comments. Then I kept reading. Keep fighting the good fight! I mean, come on. If you want a girl to wear baby clothes and shit all over your feet while you masturbate into her bonnet while in the middle of the woods, you should really lure her in with a normal date first. Why don't they get this?

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:57:00 -0400

Why are you so fucking awesome?

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 19:01:18 -0400

daddy issues.

what's up!

Tue, 31 May 2011 21:49:00 -0400

Apr 3, 2011 – 6:29pm

do you hit pookie?

20% Enemy 64% Friend 65% Match

ADVICE: i think that asking someone if they smoke meth is more of a second message kind of deal. if you’re a straight male looking for a straight female take a picture of yourself, review it, if you look like a lesbian, delete it.

May 10, 2011 – 11:00am i fucken love cats but dont have one right now. That’s ok though...

Tue, 31 May 2011 21:31:00 -0400

May 10, 2011 – 11:00am

i fucken love cats but dont have one right now. That’s ok though cause my neighborhood is filled with them and there all very friendly. I can fix your bike. whats wrong with it? Why did you get kicked out of Disneyland? Also, i had making fun of people as my old ‘im really good at to.’ i like ska, im not a pussy, and i make rude crass jokes all damn day. hit me up. lets pick on people. it helps raise my self esteem, or so i was told by my fifth grade teacher.

30% Enemy 39% Friend 83% Match

ADVICE: i’m all for the alternative lifestyle but this shit is fucking ridiculous, a pierced UPPER lip? gtfo of here. next time make sure you photoshop the spinach out of your teeth before posting a pic of yourself on a dating website.

Hello

Tue, 31 May 2011 20:17:00 -0400

Mar 27, 2011 – 1:45p

Hey there, my name is George and I have to be completely honest here. You are absolutely stunning, but what is most attractive is that you seem to be very laid back and easy going. I am honest, hard working, caring and fun spirited. If you are down for getting to know someone like that hit reply and lets get to know each other. I am hoping you do

28% Enemy 64% Friend 85% Match

ADVICE: you might want to try reading something in the profile of someone you’re trying to get a reply from. don’t do what this thin lipped douchey fuck face did and send out that mass message. any moron can tell the difference. just loving the gelled up receding hair line, it really gives me that “cool dad” vibe.

How do you make a guy feel good?

Tue, 31 May 2011 19:59:23 -0400

ADVICE: put out right away like, right away.

where is the best place to meet someone from a dating site like this?

Tue, 31 May 2011 19:58:12 -0400

ADVICE: some place dark.

Good job on having a super homophobic, transphobic, ableist blog.

Check your fucking prejudice.

Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:38:28 -0400

ADVICE: gtfo

how big is too big?

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 03:02:00 -0400

ADVICE: gay guys should stick to Grindr.

you never know if you never try

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 21:48:00 -0400

Mar 6, 2011 – 1:26am

hi, my name is Brandon. I was checking out your profile and you seem like a pretty cool chick, seem pretty tough and If you’re interested I would like to challenge you to a joint rolling contest!

Then we can smoke em :) what do you think?

19% Enemy 27% Friend 71%

ADVICE: when taking a photo of yourself for an internet dating website; try not to look like such a fat (wrinkled shirt wearing, just rolled out of bed) slob.

Mar 1, 2011 – 9:02pm hey hows it going? im Bryan, friends and loved ones call me Bear. It says...

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 16:08:00 -0500

Mar 1, 2011 – 9:02pm

hey hows it going? im Bryan, friends and loved ones call me Bear. It says here you reply ‘selectively’ but im sayin hey anyways :) so….hey

33% Enemy 69% Friend 68%

ADVICE: when getting your soul patch pierced; try to avoid looking like a retard with dribble on your chin.

Feb 23, 2011 – 3:42pm I finally discovered Operation Ivy on my I Pod. Great stuff. I wonder what...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 19:46:00 -0500

Feb 23, 2011 – 3:42pm

I finally discovered Operation Ivy on my I Pod. Great stuff. I wonder what else is on there there’s so many songs. I also like that one band forgot the name, the album title is “beat this.” tears of a clown cover….

0% Enemy 0% Friend 0% Match

ADVICE: you should probably return that ipod you stole.

hello

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 13:02:00 -0500

Feb 23, 2011 – 6:10pm

hello

64% Enemy 34% Friend 0% Match

ugh! i don’t even…

ADVICE: when you look like a child molester (probably masturbates in his car next to a park) creep; you probably shouldn’t be holding a child while wearing a wig.

Hey

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:56:00 -0500

Dec. 13, 2010 – 4:42pm

My name is Sharif. I came across your profile and you totally rocked my socks off. As for your “You should message me if” section: Love ska (haven’t listened to much in a while but always down for it). I have beard, medical card, can change a tire, been in a couple fights in my life (mostly in middle/high school) I might be able to fix a bike, I would love to learn to play the ukulele, poop and fart jokes are my specialty, and I murder the fuck out of spiders.

I am also Egyptian so I love cats, since my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, Grandfather worshiped them as Gods.

3% Enemy 79% Friend 93% Match

ADVICE: braces are only appealing to women if you’re Butt-head.

Drugs: Often

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 12:05:00 -0500

Sep. 20, 2010 – 7:37pm

My nigga.

12% Enemy 82% Friend74% Match

ADVICE: move out of your momma’s house, then you won’t have to wait till she leaves for work to start smoking.

Replies

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:06:00 -0500

Oct. 2, 2010 – 11:59am

Selectively

54% Enemy 44% Friend 22% Match

ADVICE: when including drawings on your profile; make sure they’re not from when you were 6 years old.

(No subject)

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 21:51:00 -0500

Jul. 22, 2010 – 9:17am

hey i think you’re very cute,

you make me wish i was older

74% Match 44% Friend 28% Enemy

ADVICE: when selecting a photo of yourself for an internet dating website; make sure you can’t see any of the piss stains on your clothes.

Wink

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 19:46:00 -0500

Sep. 9, 2010 – 3:33am

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You make me horny

82% Match 53% Friend 31% Enemy

ADVICE: when you’re some faggy emo kid; don’t post a picture of yourself drinking a beer for the first time ever.

Nwrjvrnsfivrw

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 19:25:00 -0500

Oct. 2, 2010 – 12:12pm

You make me tingle all over

Cool chic

0% Enemy 0% Friend 0% Match

ADVICE: weird tranny satanist with no eyebrows might be the vibe you give off with no eyebrows.

really witty subject line to stir curiosity

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 19:05:00 -0500

Oct. 14, 2010 – 12:49pm

I have been running around all week and I made a stop at the dollar store for some cleaning supplies today.
I noticed an attractive woman several times around the store, and as I was leaving she had her sister come up and tell me I was hot and then asked me for my number,
never in my life has this happened before.
Yet, instead of being completely flattered,
I was thinking this girl isn’t as exciting to me as you are,
I’ve longed for a girl like you my whole life.
A smart girl who can also be a smart ass…haha, my favorite kind.
I don’t even know you, but you’ve captivated me already.
I’m going to take this nice lady to dinner, because I told her I would.
The whole time I’ll be wishing that I was taking you out for the first time instead.
You’re the only girl I’ve found here that I was really interested in. A perfect match was the only reason I gave this site a chance( but there are no perfect matches!) I started browsing profiles and soon I found myself mentally comparing others to yours, you set the standard for me.
I say let’s put this site to the test… who knows, lightning could strike.
I wanted to take some time to sincerely write to you and hopefully be a little different from the rest(I’m sure you get a bunch too), but I’ll get the hint if you don’t write back, but I’m really hoping that you do.

28% Enemy 68% Friend 77% Match

ADVICE: who even cares about your life story when they’re so busy looking at your toilet.